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by Louise
Rating: PG
Paring: B/W
Spoilers: Some big spoilers if you havent seen from the start of season 4
to the end of Season 6.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing and playing around.
Feedback: Yes please, this was my first Buffy/Willow fic.
Summary: How Buffy feels for Willow.
Notes: Buffys point of view.
I look at her and I dont recognise her, what shes become. She has been my best friend for six years. From the very moment I met her I knew there was something there, I didnt know what it was at first, but then I realised...I was in love with her. I still am. But she has changed so much, so fast.
We have shared so much together; its unbelievable how much. But this isnt her, this isnt my Willow. This isnt the woman I fell so deeply in love with. This isnt the woman I have protected with my life countless times.
As I look into her eyes I dont see what Ive desired for all these years. All I see is hatred, rage and revenge. But she is not seeking revenge for my murder. No. She seeks revenge for the killing of her love, Tara.
When she told me that she was in love with this girl it felt as if she grabbed my heart and ripped it into thousands of jagged pieces and stuffed it back into my chest. For weeks even the mere sight of Tara brought me close to tears. Was it jealousy? No. It was sadness, regret for not moving in sooner. I could see it coming, after Oz left her, someone would soon take my Willows heart in return for theirs...Why couldnt it be me?
As their relationship built and got stronger each day I felt like I was dying. It was so hard knowing that she belonged to another.
Then came the unforgettable night of my death. I knew it was the only way to end the pain, end the longing to have her in my arms. Then, at last, it did. Everything stopped as I jumped. It was all so clear. For what seemed a lifetime and more I was in heaven.
When they brought me back it hit me again. All of the feelings came rushing back and it was too much, I couldnt bare it any longer...So I turned to Spike. I tried to dump all of the emotion onto him, but it didnt work, I just hurt him...and myself...even more.
Then finally the day came when they broke up. My beloved Willow was free. But I didnt feel relieved, I felt sorrow for her. She loved Tara so much, with every inch of her being. She couldnt live without her...And I know how that feels...I know that Willow doesnt love me like I love her, but Id rather see her with her love than alone and empty...She has so much love to give. I didnt hate Tara. I dont even now. She was a wonderful person. I grieved after her death.
The fiery hair that I adore is a mass of black, as are her clothes and her large, powerful eyes. She used to survive on love and friendship, but now all she cares for is magik and payback.
I tried to help her stop. We all did. I desperately wanted her to stop because I knew that if she gave herself up to the dark magik she would never come back.
But as I stand here face-to-face with my love I know I can reach her...I have to; for all I am, for all Ill ever be. I need her to come back to me. I tell her that I love her over and over. She doesnt want to listen, doesnt want to know. So I reach out and touch her. I feel her pain in waves...And I know she can feel my love. We are connected, for the first time in so long...
She falls into my awaiting arms, crying like shell never be able to stop. I stoke her hair and at the touch of my hand it turns back to the warm red it used to be. I feel her grip tighten around me. I reached her...I reached her with my love. She is back. My Willow is finally back.
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