Rating: PG-13/R (Violence/horror)
Spoilers: None. This is very AU.
Feedback: Yep. Need it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask first.
Summary: Buffy reflects on the past.
I can remember every single face.
The expressions they held. Every expression sticks in my memory.
You cant imagine how many faces are in my head. Swirling around. Haunting me.
Their bodies fell to the ground and I saw every one of them.
I watched as countless people took their last breath.
Their eyes fixed on mine. Pleading for me to help them. But I couldnt.
I had to find her. I had to save her.
You wouldnt believe me if I told you how much blood there was.
There was blood everywhere. Covering skin and clothes.
I remember every word that was spoken to me. Pleads and curses alike.
What is the difference anyway? They all meant the same. It was my fault.
I caused it all. Didnt I?
They followed me to save her. And the others.
The dreadful creatures came by the thousand.
They all looked the same. With teeth and claws sharp enough to cut through bone.
They slashed and cracked them all.
Humans are so delicate. Their bodies are ever so delicate. Unlike their hearts.
They have hearts stronger than all other beings. They are loyal. Loyal to the death.
Am I still human? I was. But everything in this world has changed so much. I must have changed too.
The creatures mutilated her and put her body on show. On show for me.
I fought for her. For my love. I would have died for her.
I wish I had died along with all the others. Knowing that she is dead killed me inside long ago.
Am I dead? I should be. I shot myself twice after I saw what had happened to her.
But Im not with her. Im still here in this awful place.
With the thoughts and memories deep in my brain.
I can see her. Shes with me always. The way she was before. And after.
I loved her so much but she never knew it. I wish she could have known.
I was supposed to be their saviour. The one to stop the darkness.
But I failed. I failed her. The others. And myself.
Is there anything I can say now? I dont think there is. Im searching for the words to help me.
But there is nothing. Nothing anymore.