Disclaimer: Josh Whedon owns these folks but I'm gonna borrow them.
Rating: R for adult language, adult themes
Summary: Set during season five, Willow and Tara do a little experimentation and magic in the bedroom, which doesn't go according to plan.
"Willow? Baby? Don't you think-."
"No, let's just wait awhile longer and see what happens. Everything should go back to normal." Willow paced in front of the bed. Feeling distracted by the movement, Tara reached out and pulled her lover down to sit next to her.
"But the spell was only supposed to work for two hours. It's been two days now. I think we need help."
"Well, Mr. Giles-."
"No way am I going to Giles with this."
"We may not have a choice." Tara began to stroke Willows leg. After about 4 seconds, the redhead shot to her feet and away from Tara's touch.
"Okay, no fair touching."
"But all I did was-."
"That's all it takes apparently." Willow gave a defeated sigh. "Alright. You win. We'll go see Giles but you'll have to tell him."
"Me?" Tara asked growing concerned. "Why me?"
"We'll it's your idea to include him," Willow replied.
"Yeah but it's not me that did the spell," Tara retorted.
"You didn't seem to mind two days ago."
"Well that was two days ago. At this point...I'm getting scared, Willow."
Willow gave a heavy sigh. "We'll both tell him, okay? I'm sure he won't expect a detailed explanation. Agreed?"
Tara gave a nod and the two headed to the Magic Box.
"Giles, can we speak to you?" Tara asked in a soft voice. "Privately."
Giles looked to Willow and Tara and then to Anya before looking back at the pair. "Certainly," he replied, motioning them back to the training room and shut the door securely once they entered.
"What seems to be the problem?"
Willow couldn't look at him. Her eyes pleaded with Tara to explain. Tara opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Finally, she spit it out quickly.
"Willow has a penis."
"Come again?" Giles asked, disbelieving what he was hearing.
"I s-said, Willow has a penis."
Giles paused a moment. It was too much. And Anya heard his laugh all the way at the front of the store through the closed door.
"Look," Willow said as she quickly unzipped her pants, pulling them down to show him. "This is serious!" Giles laughter stopped and his jaw dropped. Quickly, Willow quickly refastened her jeans. "So now what? I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a hermaphrodite! I mean, sure it was fun while it lasted butyou knowI don't want this to be a permanent condition!"
He darted from the room, headed for the library of books with the pair following behind him. "Good gracious! How did this happen? I'll need to know everything."
Willow cast Tara a disapproving glare upon hearing the 'need to know everything' remark as Giles rambled on, looking for a cure.
"W-well about two weeks ago," Tara began in a soft voice as not to be overheard, "Willow and I were talking and I-I'd never been with a guyyou knowl-like thatso she suggested we look into somethings-simulatedso we bought s-something but she said she wished she could f-feel it too. So two days ago we tried the spell. And it worked! It was unbelievable! The spell I mean," she says quickly.
Giles stopped his searching and held up his hand in a yielding motion. "I meant I needed to know everything about the spell."
"Oh!" Tara flushed. "Well, we brought the book," she said handing it over. "It was only supposed to last for two hours but it's been.a-about two days."
Giles examined the cover and looked at Willow disapprovingly. "Where did you get this?"
Shyly, Willow pointed above him to the 'forbidden' books on the second level.
Giles sighed, "Willow-."
"I know. I know. Spare me the lecture Giles. I've learned my lesson. Believe me."
Giles began to read the passage in question silently and started to shake his head. "There's n-nothing here for undoing the spell," he told her. "I'm not sure how to undo it."
"What?!" Tara and Willow both asked in harmony.
"Well, find something Giles!" Willow added. "Something! Anything! I can't go through the rest of my life withthis," she said pointing at her crotch.
Anya heard the conversation and came over. "What's the problem?"
The trio looked at each other, unsure of what to say at first.
"Willow tried a spell," Giles began. "It didn't quite go according to plan so we're looking for a way to reverse it."
"Maybe I can help? I've managed to help fix some of her other screw ups," she answered. "Besides, I'm just feeling extra charitable today," she offered.
"I don't need your charity but thanks anyway," Willow replied.
"Fine," Anya snorted. She bent over to pick up a few other books at a nearby table and her cleavage nearly spilled from her low cut blouse. A few seconds later Willow was stuffing her hands in her pockets and 'shifting' about. Tara watched Willow's reaction and looked over at Anya before turning back to Willow.
"You pig!" Tara shouted, slapping Willow arm.
"It's not my fault honest. It's not my fault!" Willow tried to defend herself. "Giles tell her it's not my fault."
Giles shook his head. "I'm already deeper into this than I'd like," he replied.
"THAT turns you on?" Tara demanded as she pointed to Anya, who watched the exchange clueless as to what was happening yet returned when she heard the rising voices. "You're getting the hots for Anya."
"It's not Anya! I swear. And I know this will sound so trite and I never believed it until now butIt's got a mind of it's own." Tara rolled her eyes and Willow quickly continued. "I can't control it. It's there in the morning, it's there during the night. I mean all you have to do is smile at me and suddenlyboinkthere it is!"
"All I have to do is smile?" Tara asked with a slight grin.
"Absolutely Tare-bear," Willow replied, heartfelt. "Sometimes it doesn't mean anything when it happens but with youit's different."
Anya cocked her head with a questionable look on her face but suddenly recognition showed in her eyes. "Do you have a penis?" Anya asked. Willow rubbed her forehead hiding her face with her hands. "Really? You have a penis? How big is it? Is it bigger than Xander's penis?"
"I don't know how big Xander's penis is," Willow answered.
Anya started to open her mouth when Giles cut her off.
"Nor do we want to," he told her.
Quickly she shut it again.
The bell on the magic shop jingled as Xander made his way inside. "Hey everybody! What's new?"
"Willow has a penis," Anya replied.
"Anya!" Willow and Tara shouted at her.
"Well it's true, right?" Anya answered.
Xander looked to Willow who gave a weak nod.
"Well that would be 'new'," Xander replied. "At least I think that would be new. You haven't always had?"
"No!" Willow snapped.
"How did this happen?" Xander asked.
"Magic gone array," Tara answered.
"Magic," Xander nodded before turning to Willow. "So you have a magical penis?"
"So I've been told," Willow grinned smugly, which earned her a smile from Xander and another slap to the arm from Tara. "Ouuuch."
"You know Xander," Anya began. "Since you've had a fantasy about being with me and another woman, but I only like men, maybe Willow-."
Xander put his hand over Anya's mouth to stop her from finishing. "Let's not discuss this right now okay?"
When it looked as if she wouldn't continue, he removed his hand.
"Willow would be perfect now," Anya added quickly before he could stop her.
"Well Willow," the red head began, stressing her own name. "Happens to be in love with a beautiful woman and refuses to be a part of any fantasy."
"It was a fantasy that got us in this mess to begin with," Tara pointed out.
"That's different," Willow replied. "I'll fantasize with you all I want but not with THEM," she pointed.
"No," Giles added to Willow with another disapproving glare. "You made fantasy a reality and the way it looks you might have to live with it," he said closing another useless book.
Willow slumped down at the table. "What are we gonna do? I mean if we can't fix this Tara-."
"We'll find some way," she answered. "And if not we'll work around it."
"Work around it? How does one 'work around it'?"
"Well it w-wasn't that bad the other night. Sure I love mywomanly Willow more b-butit would just take some adjusting. That's all."
"You won't love me as much anymore," Willow asked looking up, obviously wounded.
"No I didn't mean that," Tara said quickly. "I-I just meanI-I don't know what I mean." She darted over to Giles who was looking through yet another book and grabbed him by the elbow. "Please say you won't give up. There has to be something we can do."
"I can't believe you wouldn't love me anymore," Willow said softly and despondently from the table. Tara went back over.
"I didn't say that Baby. I-I didn'tAll I mean isthis isn't what I'm used to and I'd love you no matter how your body changed."
"I'm not sure you mean that."
"Do you think if you lost your hands or your legs I would love you any less? I wouldn't," Tara replied firmly. "You just lost youryou knowbut that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love you anymore. It just means that it would take some time adjusting is all."
"Well there are advantages to dating someone with a penis," Anya added. "If you like I could give you some tips."
"No thanks," Tara answered. "But I'll keep that in mind," she did a double take of Anya before turning to Willow. "Look Baby, no matter what, I love you-."
"But youre a lesbian. How could you love me?"
"When I met you, you were straight right? I-I mean you fell in love with me and not just a genderIm in love with you too Willow. No matter what package you come in, always."
That put Willow more at ease and she gave a slight smile.
"Wait a moment," Giles said, bringing a book to the table. "There might be a spell."
"Great, let's do it!" Willow answered.
He continued to read and then looked up. "But we need three men."
The group looked around at each other. "We'll I'm 'part man' don't I count," Willow asked.
"I'm afraid not," Giles answered. "We'll need someone else. Well that's if Xander is willing to help."
"Sure I'll give you a hand or ayeah I'll helpWait a second, if I do this spell I won't lose my"
"No. No," Giles said quickly. "Only the affected party will have a transformation, which in this case is Willow."
"Well where are we going to find another man?" Anya asked. "Oh! I know. Riley!"
"No!" Willow answered. "We are not telling Buffy and Riley about this. It's bad enough you all know."
"Well I don't think we have much of a choice," Giles told her. "If not Riley, then Spike perhaps?"
Willow and Tara looked at each other before turning to Giles and answering immediately. "We'll call Buffy."
"Hey Wills! What's up?" Buffy answered upon hearing her friend's voice.
"Boy if that's not a loaded question if ever I heard one," she answered softly. In a louder voice she answered. "My dick apparently and at the most inopportune moments I should add."
"I've got a little problem," Willow said into the phone. "We'll more like an 9 inch problem."
The gang was listening in on the conversation from Willow's end when Anya turned to Xander. "She's bigger than you Xander."
"Thank you for sharing Anya," Xander answered indignant and Tara gave a small chuckle she quickly stopped by covering her hand with her mouth.
"We measured him one night for fun," Anya added.
"Anya! You're killing me here hon."
"Sorry," she muttered.
Willow lost her train of thought but quickly shook it off, going back to her conversation with Buffy. Out of curiosity Tara mouthed 'how big'? Anya replied holding up 8 fingers. When Xander looked over to her she quickly acted like she was polishing them on her shirt.
"What?" Buffy responded on the phone, getting Willow's attention again.
Willow knew she'd have to explain. "I'm gonna make this short and sweetI cast a spell and now I have a penisBuffy?Are you there?"
"What did you say? It sounded like-."
"I said I have a penis. Please don't make me repeat it again."
The gang watched as Willow held the phone away from her ear. They could hear Buffy cackling on the other end. After a few moments Willow put her ear back and spoke. "I know. Ha. Ha. Very funny. It is to laughAre you gonna help me here or not?!"
"I'm sorry," Buffy said trying to catch her breath. "I'm sorry Wills. What do you need from me?"
"We found a spell but we need your boyfriend. You and Riley got any plans tonight?"
"Well we're going to the Bronze later - I was going to call you and Xander actually but we'll swing by the Magic Shop. I'm assuming that's where you are?"
"Okay, let me get him and we'll stop out."
"Thanks Buffyand if you woulddon't mention this to anyone else but Riley?"
"Don't worry your anatomy will be anonymous with me. Promise."
Buffy walked in with Riley, dressed for an evening of dancing and blowing off a little steam. Tara saw the short skirt Buffy was wearing and immediately looked to Willow.
"What?" Willow asked.
"Just wondering if that skirt, or lack there of, would cause an unexplainable reaction," Tara muttered.
"Oh that, no. I'm a breast woman not a leg woman."
"Has all the blood left your brain to godown there?" Tara replied, slightly ticked off.
"What did I say?" Willow answered, totally confused.
Tara mimicked Willow, "I'm a breast woman not a leg woman."
"Again I ask - what did I say?"
"Do you have to be so crass about it?" Tara asked. "I mean it's like women are nothing more than sexual objects to you."
"Tara, honey. I think you're reading into things that just aren't there, okay?"
Tara didn't reply. She just folded her arms as Buffy and Riley approached. Riley gave a hello nod to Willow. "Sohow's it hangin?"
He and Buffy both stifled down giggles and Willow just gave up at that point.
"That's it. Go ahead. Take what shreds of dignity I have left," she said rising from the table.
"I'm just teasin' Willow," Riley apologized.
"I'll be in the training room until you're ready," she told the group.
After she walked away Buffy touched Riley's arm. "Lemme go talk to her," she said making her way to the back with a grin. Buffy found Willow sitting on the horse, shoulders slumped and head down. Quietly she walked over until she was a few feet away.
"Go away," she pouted, not looking up.
Buffy held down a chuckle but couldn't lose her smile. "It'll be alright. You'll see."
"And what if it's not?" Willow asked, finally making eye contact. "What happens if the spell doesn't work? Tara will end up leaving me because I'm not her 'womanly Willow'. I don't know if I can handle that Buffy."
"Let me ask you a question," Buffy began. "God forbid should Tara gets cancer and has to under go a double mastectomy. She would be losing part of her 'womanly' features. But would it make her any less of a woman?"
"Of course it wouldn't," Willow answered. She was amazed that Buffy could even suggest such a thing. "She's more than just her body Buffy."
"You don't think Tara feels the same about you? Because I think she does. WarningBad pun ahead: You're more than the sum of your parts WillI think Tara knows that too."
Willow and Buffy looked over to see Tara in the doorway.
"See?" Buffy pointed toward the blonde. "Package doesn't matter as you've said before. It's what's in here," Buffy said tapping her heart as Tara came over. "I'm sure Giles will find a way to fix everything. And if not," she said looking at Tara. "She'd love you regardlessBesides, there are advantages to dating someone with a penis."
Willow and Tara gave a small chuckle. "So we've heard," Tara remarked. "Anya's offered tips."
"Oh my god," Buffy grinned.
"We stopped her before she could," Willow grinned.
"Good for you." Buffy smiled and pointed out to the shop. "I'm gonna go see if Giles could use a hand rounded up supplies." As she left, Buffy stroked Tara's arm in support and went out to join the others.
They watched Buffy leave and Tara turned to Willow. "She's right. I-If this doesn't work I'd still love you."
"I justI don't want to ruin your life." Willow found herself on the edge of a sob and couldn't add more for fear of crying.
Tara gathered Willow's face in her hands, locking eyes. "Don't you get it by now? You are my life."
Willow took Tara's hands and kissed the back of each one gently. Her look of utter love for the blonde turned to one of utter frustration. Her eyes shot toward her lap and she spoke. "Would you STOP that? I just kissed her hands - that's all!"
"I don't think talking to it will help," Tara chuckled.
Xander, Giles and Riley walked into the room as Buffy and Anya helped carry some supplies.
"It's Showtime," Xander told them as they started to set up.
"Alright. We have to form a circle here," Giles pointed on the mat. "Willow sit across from me. Xander, Riley - take a place on either side of Willow."
They all sat down except for Willow who had to 'adjust herself'. The group looked up to find out what was the delay.
"All I did was kiss her hands," Willow replied in frustration as she finally began to sit. An understanding grunt went around the circle until Riley spoke up.
"Don't worry. When I was 13 and it was 'new', anything seemed to be a stimulant."
"No kidding," Xander replied. "And nerves. Anytime I got nervous there it was. I lived in fear of giving oral reports in front of my 8th grade English class for more reasons than just my lack of academic ability."
"Thanks for sharing guys but can we make less with the male bonding and more with the making me female again?" Willow interrupted.
"Sorry," Xander and Riley answered.
"Are we ready then?" Giles asked. Everyone nodded. "Alright, join hands."
Giles began light the candles in the circle before taking Xander and Riley's hand. He issued the chant as the girls looked on. Tara had to remember to tell herself to breath and Buffy rubbed her back in support as they watched.
Suddenly all the candles went out and the group broke away. Giles looked to Willow, "Well?"
"One sec," Willow said holding a finger up before reaching beyond her waistband. Taking the cue, Giles, Xander and Riley reached to be sure everything was still 'in place' for them as well. The group held a collective breath until they heard Willow give a deep sight of relief. "Oh, thank god," she muttered.
"Pretty cool," Xander nodded. "We made a woman."
"The power we wield," Riley grinned.
"Thank you Giles," Willow said honestly. "Thank you guys."
"Yes," Tara called over. "Thank you very much."
"And from now on-," Giles warned.
"No messing with the top shelf," Willow nodded. "Believe me. I'm all over it."
"So you guys want to head out to the Bronze?" Riley asked. "You're welcome too Giles. I'll buy you a congratulatory beer."
"No thank you Riley. I have more inventory to take care of tonight. But if Xander and Anya want to go I'll close up shop."
"We're in," Xander replied.
"Great! How about you two?" Riley asked as he rose.
Willow was already on her feet with Tara in her arms. "I think we'll sit this one out tonight guys. Besides, I need to find out if the new, not so new equipment, is fully functional." Tara blushed and tried to hide in the crook of Willow's neck.
"Stay away from the books," Giles warned.
"No books, no magic, no toys. From now on I'm phallus freeDid I just say that out loud?"
"Yes you did and it's a bit more than we wanted to hear," Buffy replied.
"Speak for yourself," Xander replied. He and Riley looked at each other and shrugged guiltily.
"What is it with men and lesbians?" Anya asked Buffy. "I just don't get it. Do you?"
"Something else I don't want to get into," Buffy added.
The group made it's way to the storefront when Anya turned to Xander. "You know Willow did that spell and she had a 9 inch penis. Maybe if you-."
"Anya," Xander began, holding up his hand. "Don't even go there."
She rolled her shoulders. "It was just a thought."